1. Regularly do things that you know your partner appreciates.
   
   
2. Explicitly communicate positive feelings to your partner. Make sure that he/she hears about the things you appreciate.
   
   
3. Laugh and be playful.
   
   
4. Touch and hug. Nonverbal communication of caring and support can reduce tension and increase feelings of safety in ways that words cannot. Touch in ways that do not signal immediate sexual interest.
   
   
5. Set aside special time weekly and without distraction to talk about each other and your relationship.
   
   
6. Listen to your partner with full attention and contemplation before responding. Check out your perception of what he/she has said. Try to understand his/her perception and feelings even if they are very different from your own.
   
   
7. Never assume what your partner is thinking. Ask for feedback and check out your assumptions.
   
   
8. Never assume that your partner knows what you want, think, feel. You must express yourself for the other to understand.
   
   
9. When discussing disagreements get a good grasp on your partner's thoughts and feelings before you express your own thoughts and feelings. Avoid accusing or blaming. Make "I&" statements rather than "You&" statements. If your feelings are very strong practice before talking to your partner using a tape recorder or a trusted friend.
   
   
10. When you feel attacked or find yourself bringing up old hurts you and your partner are probably not listening to one another. Stick to the present issue. Take a break if you need one.
    
    
11. Be clear about your needs. Be flexible without giving up what is truly important to you. Both partners sometimes can and should say "No" as long as there is balance in the relationship
    
    
12. Seek professional help if anger, bitterness, resentment, or discouragement dominate your feelings about your partner for an extended period.
    

Copyright: Professional Resource Exchange, Inc. Used with permission.

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